The Nourishment Barrier and Receiving More from your Partnership

We all want satisfaction in our friendships and our more intimate relationships, and especially in relationship to our significant other. But often we don't take in what our relationships have to offer. The nourishment barrier is a very descriptive term used in the Hakomi method of psychotherapy. It refers to a barrier to taking in positive psychological feedback and nourishment from relationships.

Sometimes the nourishment barrier develops from insecurity or self-consciousness. Or maybe, if we were taught to not be prideful or were shamed for wanting more attention than was available, it feels dangerous to be open to positive feedback. Often, people are just too busy to stop and connect in a loving way with each other, perhaps they learned in their family of origin that getting things done is more important than connecting. This minimization or de-prioritization of positive connection in our relationships is another form of a nourishment barrier.

Satisfaction is an experience of something nourishing and should relax our nervous systems. Part of the biological imperative of being coupled is we feel more relaxed and secure knowing that we are not alone. But if we don't give our relationship the time to take in that information, we are doing ourselves and our relationship a great disservice. When you brush off compliments you are not letting yourself be nourished by the positivity in your relationship. If you rush through your day, not noticing how attractive your partner is, or all the kind things they do for you, then you are not receiving all that your relationship has to offer. 

Notice the ways that you are uncomfortable taking in positive feedback. See if you can linger a while longer in positive connection with your partner and let their nourishment relax you.