Keeping it Fresh
A couple relationship is 2 nervous systems interacting. This goes beyond the realm of verbal communication, which can often just be about the business of life, decisions to be made or discussion about politics, kids, or other interests. While sharing these details with your partner is important, it doesn't necessarily stimulate the nervous system in the special way we expect in our most intimate relationship. We choose each other because we are special to each other. Reminding each other of that specialness keeps a relationship secure and fresh.
Relationships, and life in general, require a balance of novelty and predictability. Too much novelty and we can feel anxious and unsafe, too much predictability and we become bored. In long-term relationships we become familiar with each other over time which helps our brains use less energy for our interactions. If I can predict you, then I don't have to think too much when I interact with you. This also feels comforting, to know and be known without effort. But the downside is we start to take each other for granted or get bored with each other. Finding ways to remind each other's nervous systems that you are special to each other helps keep the relationship from getting stale.
There are many ways to "keep it fresh" and your relationship will have it's own unique ways based on your experiences with each other and each of your personalities. Think about the excitement you felt when you first started to date - the easy smiles, the eye contact filled with expectation of fun, and the stimulation of attraction. You were awakened by novelty, you showed up with energy and you shared that energy with your partner. Maybe you walked into a restaurant and saw them at a table waiting for you, your heart raced a little, you noticed their face, you loved the feeling when your eyes met, you smiled and you walked over moved by excitement and attraction. It is important in a long term relationship to recreate this energy.
There are easy (and free!) ways to stimulate your connection. Pause and put a sparkle in your eye the next time you see your partner. Let your gaze linger. Call your partner by a pet name or a flirty name. Give them a whopper of a surprise kiss. Share a special memory from your lives together. Sing a song, invite them to dance. I am sure you can come up with some of your own as well. Think of unique things that your partner likes or things that you used to do but have stopped doing. Play with it, have fun and keep doing these things for the rest of your days together.
